Cuenca's Wild Ride: Snow, Scoundrels, and a Guinea Pig Tragedy

Hold onto your hats, expats! Cuenca's been a whirlwind this week. We've got everything from presidential jet-setting and traffic mayhem to... well, let's just say it's going to snow in San Francisco square. Let's dive in!

While we were all trying to figure out the new garbage bill (more on that later), President Noboa was off in the UAE securing the bag. He's back with a shiny new treaty promising a shower of foreign investment for roads, renewable energy, and more. Fingers crossed some of that trickles down to fill a few of the city's more 'character-building' potholes!

The Cuenca-Azogues highway is currently a real-life game of Frogger since they yanked the speed cameras. Surprise, surprise, people are driving like they're late to a wedding, their own wedding, actually. The situation has gotten so grim that it even led to the great guinea pig tragedy of Paute, where a rogue dump truck took out a family's cuy farm. A moment of silence for our fallen furry friends.

This chaos on the road is all part of a bigger mess on wheels. Getting a taxi in this city, especially when it rains, is harder than finding a parking spot in El Centro on a Saturday. Why? Our taxi fares haven't budged since 2012! That’s right, a decade of inflation, and they're still charging the same. No wonder everyone's moonlighting with "illegal" Uber, dodging $940 fines just to make a buck. It’s a classic Cuenca conundrum.

As we always say, the number one rule of navigating Cuenca is: don't look like a lost puppy. In the wise words of South American grandmothers, "los pendejos se distinguen desde lejos" (dummies are spotted from a mile away). Know your routes, walk with purpose, or you'll stick out for all the wrong reasons. If you just happen to be here retired with quite a good amount of property, you should keep reliable honest helpers of many kinds at hand and well-remunerated.

Have you looked at your garbage bill recently? If you can’t find it on your electric bill, don't panic—it’s just gone rogue. EMAC is handling it directly now, so get ready for a bureaucratic scavenger hunt. You can pay on their website for now, until they inevitably change the system again next month.

Meanwhile, over in Babahoyo, 4 and a half hours northwest of Cuenca, the military discovered 54 illegal spy cameras. It seems the cartels are launching a new startup: "Gran Hermano Narco." I can't say I'm jealous. Here in Cuenca, we have the municipal "Eco-Friendly-Looking, soon-to-be-Palantir-Powered Ecu 911 Spy Center," with over 440 cameras all wired into 1 monitoring central. But locals just call it Ecu 911 Cuenca Branch. It’s nice to know that whether it’s the bad guys or the government, someone is always watching. Keep those social credit scores high, folks!

But hey, it's not all doom, gloom, lines and paperwork. Mayor Zamora is turning Cuenca into a winter wonderland to kick off the holiday season! This weekend is packed with festive fun:

• Friday, December 12th at 7:00 PM: A magical Christmas Circuit Tour through El Centro.

• Saturday, December 13th at 7:30 PM: Brace yourselves... IT'S GOING TO SNOW in Plazoleta San Francisco! (Okay, it's fake snow, but who's complaining? It's the thought that counts!)

Don't want to miss the blizzard? We've pinpointed all the festive fun on our Interactive Cuenca Map. It's your secret weapon for navigating the holiday cheer without getting lost.

So, stay safe out there, laugh a little at the chaos, and for goodness' sake, use our map. Happy Holidays!

Sources

1. President Noboa's UAE Visit: Information sourced from RED Informativa. https://www.facebook.com/RedInformativaCuenca

2. Cuenca-Azogues Highway Accidents: Analysis and reporting from WRadioEc. https://www.facebook.com/wradioec

3. Paute Dump Truck Accident: Story originally covered by El Vocero Azuay. https://www.facebook.com/ElVoceroAzuay

4. EMAC Garbage Bill Changes: Details taken from an announcement by El Mercurio. elmercurio.com.ec/cuenca/2025/12/10/tasa-de-recoleccion-de-basura-cuenca-valor-noviembre www.emac.gob.ec

5. Illegal Surveillance Cameras in Babahoyo: Report from Radionoticias Cuenca.
https://www.facebook.com/radiocuenca1180am

6. Upcoming Christmas Events: Announced on Mayor Cristian Zamora's Official Facebook Page.